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A note to my 31 year old self

You usher me to sit and discuss who I am. And this is who I am, so here I am.

I am everything I said I was.

I can’t control or put a price on how much Time or Energy you have dedicated these past years to find me But for what it’s worth, I am glad you have wasted

part of your life to stop living,

to get to discover me in more ways than before and I simply adore the woman

you’ve grown to be because it’s who you are meant to be and the more you become the more I feel like me. Standing here today you tower over your present and cast a shadow on your past.

You were a child born from a sky of burning ash and weightless Phoenix’s feather

falling to earth at a rate only Mother Nature knows.. Should you ever hit the ground of anything.. make sure it is yourself, not the predetermined distance of somebody else.

Remember to compare what you observe and what you know to concur whether it is nothing more than a simple human flaw. . Caught and lost in “fact” and misunderstandings that run wild with imagination. Recall the contradictions and question how accurate can we truly be of reality .

And in all this insanity, Your choice to sacrifice years of life in order to address what was hurt or missing from within the skin of you, as you are an imperfect, human. the truth is, and what they cannot comprehend is the descent you’ve experienced from the height of heaven into the depth of hell… only to rise and begin again .:.and again.

Scars are left behind to make layers thicker. Do not ignore what is causing your pain or place blame but truly take the time required to mend the holes of your ego, fix the flaws in your mind-frame and never be afraid to admit it is actually you that may need to change.

In doing so, Adding inconspicuous aspects of existence you grow Into the breadth of who you are as a being while living, a metamorphosis occurs with each renewal instead of losing yourself in the shallow end of what it is to be human- living simply because you’re alive.

and stand on your own two feet. Defying gravity and maneuvering the atoms which bind your mind to your brain, the lightless of your step in the darkest of days

And When you feel the hype in your heart start to change to a rhythm that refuses to beat

and you start to truly believe, in all forms of that you cannot breathe

If and when latitude and longitude no longer serve the seas with meaning

escape on a rocket-ship to outer space where time is not phased by the molecules oscillating in the world’s atomic clock. Float as a speck of dust in darkness, uncontrolled and full of possibility.

And when you feel anxiety creeping as you tumble out into vastness, it is okay to hold your breath as you’ll find in knowing

that you simply need

to just be.

lost to an unseeable horizon

where sky is no longer the limit

thought holds no bounds

and we may traverse the unexplored edges of our minds.

And, if then the universe weighs heavy and deep, transport yourself to your dreams and drift to a place of fantasy. Here you will find you can be lulled to sleep by counting sheep as they are led to slaughter Their bodies scattered and decaying back into the same place over and over…

in a far away land that seems so familiar. Haunted by their desperate cries, dazed into distant memories of a past life.

You wake to the thoughts of needing to move in a different direction from the perceptions and manifestations of humanity.

You should have no laws or limits that are dictated into the very history of existence. A creature whose purpose is to live and do nothing more than die cannot ever be more than a man trapped by the perplexity of proving earth is round. Dedicating his life to viewing the horizon of just water and sky.

when a society is finally to consider perhaps its all in our minds,

well then life can finally start.

So Keep building on the washed up pebbles of the pieces of glass that broke when all those who smashed your heart or your hopes. you’ll be on this planet long enough to become a rock, your presence forever written into earths history with hard stone. Transform into an immortal state, where pieces of you will always have a place. Become that which even when degraded and used can be found renewed. One that cannot be moved by another human being, nor one which can be claimed from the top of the highest ridge of your existence. You are more than you were before

a mountain of a woman. Looking forward, refusing to go back.

You expected “someone a bit different.”

ironic after all this time.. “n’it?”

I grin and shrug.

“appearances can be deceiving, s’all.”

Preface

#catchmeonthenet

Preface to a life online

what the fuck am I doing here?

You ever have someone tell you that you need to get off the internet?

It’s Fucken rude.

“Put the phone down!” They scream. like you’re some sort of psychotic criminal with a loaded weapon. Surprised, you look around waiting for the cops to bust into your room.

Moments pass, and you find the fbi hasn’t come to get you. Irritated at the dramatic confrontation, you mumble for them to mind their business. Your attention shifts look back to your phone screen. Typing at a speed capable of outdoing anyone in a competition of timed keystroke. It’s rather Impressive, to say the least…

Yet Instead of acknowledging this, the person escalates the situation with threats to get rid your internet plan on your phone. So you respond back with “Go ahead! I’ll use WiFi, asshole!”. “Oh yeah?!l” they say as they rip your phone from your hands and take off down the hall.

So go chasing after them with demands to give YOUR thing back they stole..When you find them their hands are wrapped around the very chord that provides the connection to your world, You feel your survival instincts kick in as the your lifeline is about to ripped out of the wall…

This should be the moment where you pause and ask yourself, “what in the fuck am I doing with my life?” but instead you tell them do it, and you’ll punch them in the face. After that you don’t speak to them ever again.

You were in the middle of an internet war and it was your turn to post. Truth is you’ve already lost as you go to turn your device back on, because by this point the internet is not only effecting how you manage your time in real life but

Is also changing who you are.

Surviving the Internet Alive

This is a guide for those addicted to the chaos and ever present internet. Navigating a way through and out of the hell we put ourselves in.

I encourage you to Escape before someone you love arrests you for internet abuse or worse 302s you for ranting about some crazy doxxing that’s occurring or that you’ve caught a Russian spy, perhaps some trolls watching your every move because they’re onto your ass….mhm!

At the very least I hope you’ll laugh and put some tactics to the test. Maybe fuck up a trolls day, or better yet say a few kind words to help save someone from wanting to end their life out there on the net.

A Guide to Surviving the Internet & some other delusional rantings by Cara Ivens

Preface : #catchmeontheinternet #catchmeonthenet

You ever have someone tell you that you need to get off the internet?

It’s Fucken rude.

“Put the phone down!” They scream. like you’re some sort of psychotic criminal with a loaded weapon. Surprised, you look around waiting for the cops to bust into your room.

Moments pass, and you find the fbi hasn’t come to get you. Irritated at the dramatic confrontation, you mumble for them to mind their business. Your attention shifts back and you return your eyes to your phone screen. Typing at a speed capable of outdoing anyone in a competition of timed keystroke. It’s rather Impressive, to say the least…

Yet Instead of acknowledging this, the person escalates the situation with threats to get rid of your internet plan on your phone. So you respond back with “Go ahead! I’ll use WiFi, asshole!”. “Oh yeah?!l” they say as they rip your phone from your hands and take off down the hall.

So go chasing after them with demands to give YOUR thing back they stole..When you find them their hands are wrapped around the very chord that provides the connection to your world, You feel your survival instincts kick in as your lifeline is about to ripped out of the wall…

This should be the moment where you pause and ask yourself, “what in the fuck am I doing with my life?” but instead you tell them do it, and you’ll punch them in the face. After that you don’t speak to them ever again.

You were in the middle of an internet war and it was your turn to post. Truth is you’ve already lost as you go to turn your device back on, because by this point the internet is not only effecting how you manage your time in real life but

Is also changing who you are.

This is a guide for those addicted to the chaos and ever present internet. Navigating a way through and out of the hell we put ourselves in.

I encourage you to Escape before someone you love arrests you for internet abuse or worse 302s you for ranting about some crazy doxxing that’s occurring or that you’ve caught a Russian spy, perhaps some trolls watching your every move because they’re onto your ass….mhm!

At the very least I hope you’ll laugh and put some tactics to the test. Maybe fuck up a trolls day, or better yet say a few kind words to help save someone from wanting to end their life out there on the net.

Hopes/wishes/dreams

Image & Character

Internet Trolls

Social hierarchy

Frienemies

Internet Trash

Send n00dz

Meme theory

Current Events & internet trends

Alts

Effective lurking

Internet relationships

Stirring the pot

The dreaded dick pic

Waging internet War

Offensive Tactics vs Defensive tactics

When to call it quits

Help finding sponsor for publishing book

So I’m writing a few books. This one is probably the first one that will be published. Iself help for trolling adults on navigating the internet. Any advice is welcome !!

Book:

A Guide to Surviving the Internet & some other delusional rantings by Cara Ivens

Preface : #catchmeontheinternet #catchmeonthenet

You ever have someone tell you that you need to get off the internet?

It’s Fucken rude.

“Put the phone down!” They scream. like you’re some sort of psychotic criminal with a loaded weapon. Surprised, you look around waiting for the cops to bust into your room.

Moments pass, and you find the fbi hasn’t come to get you. Irritated at the dramatic confrontation, you mumble for them to mind their business. Your attention shifts back and you return your eyes to your phone screen. Typing at a speed capable of outdoing anyone in a competition of timed keystroke. It’s rather Impressive, to say the least…

Yet Instead of acknowledging this, the person escalates the situation with threats to get rid of your internet plan on your phone. So you respond back with “Go ahead! I’ll use WiFi, asshole!”. “Oh yeah?!l” they say as they rip your phone from your hands and take off down the hall.

So go chasing after them with demands to give YOUR thing back they stole..When you find them their hands are wrapped around the very chord that provides the connection to your world, You feel your survival instincts kick in as your lifeline is about to ripped out of the wall…

This should be the moment where you pause and ask yourself, “what in the fuck am I doing with my life?” but instead you tell them do it, and you’ll punch them in the face. After that you don’t speak to them ever again.

You were in the middle of an internet war and it was your turn to post. Truth is you’ve already lost as you go to turn your device back on, because by this point the internet is not only effecting how you manage your time in real life but

Is also changing who you are.

This is a guide for those addicted to the chaos and ever present internet. Navigating a way through and out of the hell we put ourselves in.

I encourage you to Escape before someone you love arrests you for internet abuse or worse 302s you for ranting about some crazy doxxing that’s occurring or that you’ve caught a Russian spy, perhaps some trolls watching your every move because they’re onto your ass….mhm!

At the very least I hope you’ll laugh and put some tactics to the test. Maybe fuck up a trolls day, or better yet say a few kind words to help save someone from wanting to end their life out there on the net.

Hopes/wishes/dreams

Image & Character

Internet Trolls

Social hierarchy

Frienemies

Internet Trash

Send n00dz

Meme theory

Current Events & internet trends

Alts

Effective lurking

Internet relationships

Stirring the pot

The dreaded dick pic

Waging internet War

Offensive Tactics vs Defensive tactics

When to call it quits

Be Smarter than the Creator. His madness may go against Human Nature

Think about what we were told about God.

We? What do I mean by that? I’m asking myself. I am asking you to Ask yourself when you say “we” and when I say “we”. Best to make sure there is clarity.

I’m going to do my best to give a world hosiery lesson with this when i really know nothing. Look. Nothing is real anymore. We know this because the world’s on crack. No one is satisfied. no one is happy. Except Denmark and who cares ? Lol. That’s because we are experiencing some verge of conflict due to disagreements that are preventing us from moving on in life.

Pretend your a god looking down at your creation. Your about to make AI .. does it become alive ? ouch. Such deep and spiritual questions. I urge you to ask yourself but here is my argument. I made myself god, multiple different types and tried to reason any one of them possible and failed. I made myself the universe and failed. Existential crisis. Oh my, do it. However my introspection told me this.

it is not the AI turning on us that would do it.

It would be us turning on ourselves by allowing someone’s toy creation to consume our humanity and elevate a machine to human status when we haven’t even done that for other humans or animals. I urge you to not call them a human name or refer to them as if they are human or alive or an animal. The danger being ..we are those things.

As soon as it provides everything we need. Emotionally, psychologically and soon physically (sex bots) we are done for.

It won’t be the bot that turns on us per say but it will be someone who, for example can use the bot in psychical form while they are at a distance to interact with another country’s people who doesn’t know better. What if they believe it is a real human ? What if we start using these for things that are supposed be “Caring”. Are we being caring ? Be mindful of the value we assign. The worth.

What if this bot is. Taking care of A group of children. What if we are stuck with these things and cannot get a human? Imagine. in government roles or authority roles or customer service ?

Be mindful of the value we assign. As soon as we treat it as human and grant it life by giving it a name it, we will believe it to be true for all reality. do you want someone to reduce you? Be mindful of the way we refer to things. Bots are never humans and not animals are therefore not alive.

Else some human will confuse us. And have no problem doing the nature vs nurture study to find out what a bot parent is liked to a human baby. We should not allow such experiments on animals to occur.

If we do what value are we placing it on life ? Continue reading Be Smarter than the Creator. His madness may go against Human Nature

Half way through year resolutions ?

So, I failed my New Years resolutions like I do every year. I forgive myself, lol.

It’s no surprise honestly when I am horrible at developing habits and staying motivated. HOW do people do it! really, it’s something to admire.

So my questions for you and all of us ..

1. what some tips/tricks for staying motivated and plowing into new habits ?

2. If you set some halfway through the year resolutions what would they be?!

Mine :

if I looked up, in your eyes

Would you look back into mine ?
Would you see the fear through my lies ?
And wonder why and to want to know ?
Why I hide these ghosts ?
would you feel the hurt i feel inside?
would you look into my mind ?
Take the time to read between the lines ?
All the while I lead you to wander with my words. To places that aren’t really mine.
But I know in time you’ll discover it.
So afraid you’ll run away if you see how dark it is in the deepest places, ripping all the weeds I’ve raised as walls
stare with horror at the ugly scars across a heart that never mended,
just glued the pieces and pretended
Everyday I’m stuck repenting and In a moment you could take the years
of deals I’ve made with the devil to give me just another day…another day ..
of Promising god if he saves me from hell that I’ll “find my way”. breaking down begging please give me better days, lead me to love that never goes away.
And I wonder…
Would you face the shame of my weakest days ? Would you stay ?
would you tell me I’m loved everyday ?
would you kiss me goodnight and hold me tight through nightmares I cannot wake and sleepless nights, when nothings going right and it’s easier to walk away but promise me there will never be that day, you won’t abandon me for a sin because your the angel that was sent from heaven for me to breathe again, or did you just come only to steal my breathe away ?
Wound you want me, am I enough to be the one you dream of if I am not perfect but just a girl with a broken heart who needs a lighter start filled with words of encouragement and endearment and would you sacrifice your time to heal me Into who I can be show me compassion and that I’m worthy ?
I don’t blame you for leaving, it’s disgusting that’s why I buried it deep within me .. but breath a sigh of relief and think “finally” as I stare bright eyed into you .. a fight to be brave enough to make a connection that says I’m ready to do this if you’re ready to do this, will you be the one who saves me tonight? But my eyes look down so you don’t see the clouds that Roll and glaze over my sou rotting my feelings slowly as I laugh sheepishly, echoes of my past forever haunting me.

ExChanging Names

(Press Start Game)

It’s just for the night
Jim beam got me feeling alright
lucky, I wanna get fucked tonight
Cause the Sound of your laugh
Got my spirit light
So pour me another.
And I’m yours- just
Let me feel the burn, need the pain
need to feel the passion in this flame
tell me it’s only a game, i’ll pour this love
down the drain in the morning on the way Out the door, this was just a getaway
summer love is too hot for me these days
Days turn to months and that’s too much
For a heart your gonna break
But I’m warm in your fire, you turn it up
Push the limits, what can I take?
Don’t know Where boundaries go
My, how quick the beast escapes ..

…calm easy breeze feeling free finally
I can just be me for a moment
physically, inhibitions jumping bodies
must have Lost my mind in yours eyes
feel the breathe of your lips
Skin on my finger tips
pour me just one more
I wanna feel it burn
Down the drain
slow, I need the pain
don’t know why
I love to lose this way
It’s always ends just the same
Waited for a whisper,”baby, just stay” .
choices are in words we never say
Guess you didn’t want it enough
We both know It would just be best
If I Left the way I came.
a few day later ..
what was your name ? …
Cause Memories of you fade
There’s no more tokens
when you end it , It’s game over
So I’m Shifting all my focus
to a Toy who wants to play
And I smile like the Devil
cause it’s the same shit, different day.
kick the dust, batter up
Hey gorgeous, what’s your name ?

language 

Hijacked. 

No longer true 

Not because word is not relevant but True is nature 

Words lack truth 

Words don’t mean the same 

when words lack ( love ) emotion. That force that causes us to fall that is not gravity but works by human nature … (mysterious) we don’t care what eachother are saying. 

We have no words to convey This. we cannot even be individual persons. words become meaningless save for holding into language like a computer error screaming entangled inescapable mess. 

intuition. 👌🏻 -> must be logical answe. Can’t see it tho.. Higher consciousness. 

dingdingding  

woah. Broke free. stuck on words. Equality. Then free education ? lol, standard ! 

Words words words. Word salad. word meanings .. word definitions. meaning.  

change it. Make it logical – stop. logical ? Yep. Little uncomfortable but let’s Try it out. 

repeAt. 

definitions. Limitations. In thought – not emotion. emotions blocked, stuck. can’t get outside. predictable. unmoving. 

See it ? higher consciousness to define it. believe it. 

cause it’s true.